The woman I want to be


I’m sitting in my underwear in an expensive hotel room that I didn’t pay for.

The sheets are white and soft and littered with skin cells. The blackout curtains are reluctant hands separating to allow grey and unremarkable light. My laptop is more responsive than I am.

I don’t DJ often. Only when I’m running shows. I’m not very good. Sometimes I drop the vinyl on the platter, lift the needle abruptly, fade in erratically. I fuck up.

There’s a woman I admire who is very good at DJing. Her outfits are from another, better planet. Her lipstick collection is an edible hex colour wheel. I admire her and I’m not very good at hiding it.

My friend Andy asked me to DJ for four hours at the Beaver in December. He knows I’m green as grass, but he doesn’t care. I’m not good at saying no, so I didn’t.

A mix is just music. Obviously. But it’s also one step closer to the woman I want to be.

1. Platonic – Haruomi Hosono
2. Lobotomy – Neon
3. Spacer Woman – Charlie
4. Between The Wars – Plus Instruments
5. Comprami – Viola Valentino
6. Operator – Tres
7. Personal Computer – Doris Norton
8. Take a Chance – Mr. Flagio
9. Laser – Laser
10. Necrosis En La Polla – Esplendor Geometrico
11. Morning Was Cold – Arthur Brown & Craig Leon